


Would you let me be your world?

by geewhizmo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Gen, Girl Direction, Light Angst, Love Bites, Misunderstandings, Multi, OT5 Friendship, Other, Pining, Trans Characters, louis centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-08 03:04:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8827999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geewhizmo/pseuds/geewhizmo
Summary: Louis moves to a new city to start college. Her roommate, Zayn, is attractive, intriguing, and totally out of her league.This was going to be an interesting year.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [walking_travesty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/walking_travesty/gifts).



> Phew, it's done! Sorry it took so long, Things would not stop happening, but it's here now!  
> Thank u so much to B for being the most wonderful cheerleader and beta, this really wouldnt be the same without ur help, thank you <3 All remaining errors are on me.  
> (also, i just reread the prompt before i posted this and realized i might've misread part of it, sorry! i hope you'll still enjoy it anyways, i had fun writing it :)
> 
> Disclaimer: don't know em*, don't own em, pls don't show em! (*em being 1d/any of their affiliates)

~

 

“Ow, _Louis_!”

Louis drops down off Liam’s back and inspects her work. “How did you know it was me?”

“Who else do we know that goes around giving surprise hickey attacks?” Harry mutters, kicking out at Louis without looking up from her phone. 

“They’re love bites, actually,” Louis tsks and side steps Harry’s boot with ease. “Hickey’s sounds so…”

“Icky?”

“Yes, thank you, Liam.” Louis reaches out for a high five, and Liam responds without hesitation. Louis takes note of the neon green beads around Liam’s wrist, meaning it’s her today.

Louis turns to Harry, but she holds up her phone in front of her like a shield. “Oh no you don’t! I’ve got a presentation next block, you menace!”

Louis stumbles back, clutching her heart. “Fine then, smelly socks Styles, guess I’ll just leave forever, then. See you later, Liam!”

“Bye, Louis!” Liam calls cheerfully, like Louis didn’t just attack her neck and vaguely insult her girlfriend. “Love you!”

“Love you, too!” Louis calls, blowing a kiss to Liam over her shoulder. She catches it and mimes pocketing it with the most begrudging expression she can manage until her smile cracks through again. She closely resembles an adorable cartoon character trying (and failing terribly) to look tough. 

Louis bounds across the cafeteria back to Zayn who’s still standing where Louis left her, mouth hanging partway open.

“Hey, sorry about that, had to go run an errand.” Zayn doesn’t acknowledge her arrival; she’s still staring back at the other two - at Liam rubbing her neck and Harry scooching closer to straighten her shirt collar. 

Louis folds her arms and waits. Zayn still isn’t looking at her. She seems to be having difficulty processing what just happened. Louis sighs. No matter how clever Zayn is, there are times where waiting for something to click with her feels like trying to load up internet explorer.

Louis reaches out a foot to prod her knee and can’t help grinning when she finally gets Zayn’s attention again.

“Oh yeah, sorry.” Zayn rubs the back of her neck and doesn’t quite meet Louis’ gaze head-on for some reason. Embarrassed at being caught in a daze, no doubt. “What exactly was all that about?”

Louis raises her eyebrows. “What, you mean to tell me you _don’t_ greet all your friends with love bites?”

“Er, no?” Zayn’s forehead creases, like she has to think about it for a second. “Is that a thing?”

“I dunno. It could be.” Louis shrugs. “Can never keep track of all the trends I’m setting, honestly.”

Zayn just rolls her eyes and changes the subject, reminding Louis about the math test she’s been dreading all week.

~

It’s shaping up to be a pretty interesting year for Louis. She was a little nervous moving away to a new town, wasn’t expecting to know anybody here at this school.

But then she ran into Harry within a week of orientation, who immediately recognized Louis from grade school back before Harry’s family moved away. They’d been close then and even though they haven’t seen each other in years, their friendship starts back up again like no time at all has passed. 

Harry hadn’t been out as a trans girl when they were kids. She hadn’t seemed miserable to Louis then, but there is something lighter about her when Louis looks at her now, something brighter in her eyes somehow.

Louis got introduced to Liam, Harry’s datemate, soon after. They share a few classes together, and it wasn’t long before Louis decided that Liam was one of her favourite people in the whole world. It’s easy to see why Harry loves them.

Liam is such an unwaveringly good sport, the _best_ sport, really. It’s one of Louis’ favourite things about Liam; how it seems like no matter what you throw their way, they’ll always do their best to catch it. Which is good, because friendship with Louis involves a _lot_ of pestering.

Only a few days after they’d been introduced, Louis spotted Liam in the hallway talking with some friends and jumped up on their back. Liam barely even staggered, just scooped up Louis under her thighs so she wouldn’t fall and continued the conversation.

Louis wasn’t quite sure what to do then, so she just let herself dangle there until Liam thought to put her down.

 

And then, of course, there’s Louis’ roommate, Zayn.

Of all the people she could’ve possibly wound up rooming with, the universe just _had_ to send Louis the girl of her dreams. 

It hadn’t bothered her too much at first. While Louis was immediately struck with how stunning Zayn was, she barely acknowledged Louis at all when they were in the main room together, preferring to spend most of her time in her bedroom with the door shut.

It was incredibly frustrating for Louis. Even when she went out of her way to say hi or start a conversation, she’d only ever get one or two words in response. She decided that Zayn must be a bit of a snob, which she convinced herself was a good thing. Surely she couldn’t find Zayn attractive for long if she had an unsightly personality.

Except, of course, she didn’t. It turned out that Zayn was only just shy and awkward. 

Harry had insisted they invite her when they went out for drinks together after the 2nd week of classes. Louis protested at first, certain Zayn wouldn’t want to go out, especially with her. She passed the invitation along anyways and was very pleasantly surprised when she walked into the restaurant (fashionably late) and spotted Zayn laughing at one of Harry’s terrible jokes. It was the first time she’d seen an expression that wasn’t a frown or a glare on Zayn’s face since they’d met, and Louis found she liked it quite a lot.

Over the course of the evening, it was like Louis was finally getting the chance to _really_ meet Zayn, the way she was when she let her guard down. It turns out she went to highschool with Harry and Liam and had actually been the one to introduce them. Liam and Zayn were in a comic book club together, and Louis immediately pounces on the topic, prompting a discussion that continues long after they pay the bill.

They’ve been getting on swimmingly since, and Louis’ feelings have only grown stronger. She doesn’t dare bring it up to anyone, doesn’t think there’d be any point. Like all the best things in her life, there’s no way Louis deserves someone like Zayn.

~

“What’s with all the secrecy? Please tell me you’re not dating a serial killer, Haz.”

Harry frowns with her whole face, looking like a very displeased frog. Or any frog, really. Louis’ never known them to have much variety in the way of facial expression. 

“Look, it’s not that I don’t trust you to keep it secret, it’s just...” Harry sighs, listing into Louis’ side until her stubble is rubbing against Louis’ arm. It tickles, but Louis loves it, loves that Harry feels so comfortable that she rarely feels the need to shave off her peach fuzz beard. “It doesn’t just concern me, y’know?”

Louis grumbles under her breath. She’s not actually mad, of course. She knows she has no right to be anything more than slightly put out, so she starts twisting strands of Harry’s hair into braids with the hand Harry’s not leaning on. They certainly aren’t her best, but Harry’s a sappy sap and will probably keep them in until the next time she washes her hair anyways.

“He has been talking about coming up to see us soon,” Harry mumbles. She picks at a lint ball in Louis’ sweater. “ _If_ he does, we’ll have a chat about introducing you, yeah?”

“Well. That would be nice.” She waits a moment, but Harry doesn’t offer anything else, her eyelids drooping with an incoming nap, even though it’s scarcely past lunchtime. Louis rolls her eyes and starts humming, something Zayn was singing in the shower that morning that Louis doesn’t know the name of. 

So far all she’s got is that Harry and Liam are secretly seeing a boy who plays guitar, is ‘sort-of blonde,’ and doesn’t go to this school. 

It came up in a truth or dare game ages ago. Louis can’t even remember what the question was that brought up this mysterious fellow’s existence, but it’s been on her mind ever since. Especially because, for reasons Louis still hasn’t figured out, Harry and Liam have been reluctant to reveal his identity.

“Is he old? Are you worried we won’t approve of him? Is he a spy? You’re dating James Bond, aren’t you?”

Liam sighs and lifts up a textbook (their textbook, Louis notes, glancing at the orange beads glinting from today’s bracelet) so that Louis can fit into the loveseat next to them.

“Got tired of pestering Harry, then?” Liam guesses, without looking up.

“Yes. Well, no.” Louis pauses to drape her legs more comfortably over Liam’s knees. “She fell asleep on me, and you know how Harry snores, so I had to find someone else to get my daily dose of attention from.”

Liam snorts. “Good luck with that, I’m trying to study. Why don’t you go look for Zayn?”

Louis ignores that suggestion in favour of stealing Liam’s eraser. “Looks like you’re having a blast there, Payno. What class?”

“English.” Liam settles their textbook across Louis’ knees and because she’s such a good friend, Louis refrains from wiggling her feet and sending it to the floor. “I keep accidentally debunking my own thesis in this essay.”

Louis scrunches up her face. “What essay is that? That’s not the same English class I’m in, is it?”

Liam lifts their head slowly and stares at Louis seriously for a long moment. “You mean you forgot about the 5-page essay that’s due on Friday?” Louis feels her stomach drop in horror for all of half a second before Liam’s quickly shaking their head.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m kidding!” 

Louis doesn’t hold back this time, and Liam grabs the book to shield themself from her kicks. “No, it’s a bonus assignment,” Liam explains once Louis’ settled down again. “Trying to up my marks.” Liam shrugs, like it’s no big deal, but Louis knows they’ve been struggling to stay afloat in that class since school began.

“Ah, gotcha.” Louis winces sympathetically, but she can’t let Liam dwell on how difficult English is forever. They always try so hard, Louis doesn’t understand how every professor in the world doesn’t give Liam Payne an A+ for effort alone. “You’re a terrible prankster, by the way,” Louis tuts fondly. “Too good for this world, you are. I would’ve let me stew with that for at least an hour.”

Liam looks far too pleased at Louis’ scolding, beaming until their eyes all but disappear in crinkles.

They sit there together for a while longer until Louis is feeling antsy again and can’t keep the bouncing of her limbs to herself.

“Perhaps you could use some fresh air?” Liam suggests, their subtle way of hinting that Louis needs to leave.

It’s not a bad idea, though. Louis spent half the night finishing a presentation due this morning, only to find the class cancelled today. Though Liam was probably suggesting a walk, a nice little drive would be just the thing to clear her head.

She turns her car, an ancient cherry red mini cooper that she loves fiercely even though it really needs a new muffler, up the road leading to town. She’s hardly gone a mile when she spots someone in a very familiar hoodie walking on the side of the road. As she draws closer, she realizes it’s definitely her hoodie.

“Oi Zayn, is that you?”

“Hey!” Zayn pulls out an earbud and waves back at the car slowing down to a crawl next to her. “What’s up?”

“Nothing special. And what are you up to on this fine morning, besides stealing my clothes?” Louis winks, because as much as she likes to tease Zayn about it, she steals just as many of her shirts and sweaters, too.

Zayn looks down at her outfit and shrugs. “It’s cozy, innit? I’m just on my way to the doctor’s right now.”

“What?!” Louis lurches the car to a full stop and shoves her entire upper body through the window. “Oh my god, what happened? Are you alright??” In her haste to get a better look at Zayn, she nearly strangles herself with the seatbelt, and Zayn chuckles. 

“I’m very alright, Lou. Nothing happened, I’m just going to refill my estrogen prescription.”

“Ohh, gotcha.” Louis slides back into the car again. She had noticed the bottle nestled in between their toothbrushes was starting to get low. “Did you want a lift into town?”

Zayn shrugs. “Yeah, alright.”

Louis hastily brushes the fast food wrappers covering the passenger seat onto the floor which, for Louis, might as well be rolling out the red carpet.

“What are you heading into town for, then?” Zayn asks as they’re pulling away from the curb. “Getting groceries?”

“Um, yes,” Louis says, even though she wasn’t actually planning to go into town at all until she saw Zayn. “Anything you want me to pick up?”

“Hm...” Zayn’s fingers tap a rhythm along the dashboard while she thinks, which is usually something Louis finds quite irritating from anyone but herself. Right now though, she doesn’t really mind. “Think we’re out of ketchup. Maybe another carton of eggs?”

“Right, yeah.” Louis didn’t even look around the kitchen before she left. “Anything else?”

“Gummy bears,” Zayn mumbles. “But only if you feel like it, s’not like they’re a necessity or anything.” They’re Zayn’s favourite sweet, so Louis is _definitely_ picking up a bag. Maybe two. She could hide one and bring it out to surprise Zayn if she’s having a bad day.

The pharmacist is on a lunch break when they pull into town, so they head to McDonald’s for lunch.

Louis takes one bite of her Big Mac and groans. “Oh nooo.”

“What is it?” Zayn reaches over to snag one of Louis’ fries, even though she’s got her own.

“I forgot to ask for no pickles.” Louis drops her burger onto the tray and glares at it as if it just insulted her. “And I hate them.”

“Ah.” Zayn chews another french fry contemplatively. “That’s alright then, give ‘em here.”

“Oh, thanks. That’s cool of you.” Louis slides her burger over and takes a sip of soda to try and wash out the sour taste in her mouth.

Zayn pops a pickle slice in her mouth and winks. “Anytime, babe.”

Louis hides her rapidly heating face behind her burger. _Babe_. It’s not that it makes her uncomfortable, exactly. It’d be simple if it were, but no. As far as pet names go, it’s actually one of Louis’ favourites, which is probably a bit of a problem.

Louis has never dared presume she has the slightest chance with Zayn, and it’s easy to remember most days. It would be a lot easier though, if Zayn wasn’t such a sweetheart all the time.

And it’s obviously not Zayn’s fault that every time she says anything remotely sweet or endearing to Louis, her stomach swoops like she’s on a roller coaster. Zayn, who dishes out pet names and compliments as easy and casually as hellos.

~

“Look, you have to promise to take it down a notch when you meet him.” 

“I will! I’m gonna be so normal, Haz, you won’t even know it’s me!”

Liam rolls their eyes. “You don’t have to act any different, Lou.” Harry sticks her tongue out at them. “What, she doesn’t! Harry’s just feeling nervous cos we’ve never actually introduced him to anyone before.”

“Well, fret not. Anyone who can’t handle your closest friends doesn’t deserve you. Now, will you _please_ tell me his name?” She knows she’s probably looking fairly distraught at the moment, but she can’t help it. It’s been _weeks_ , and she’s just dying to know.

Zayn leans forward, too. She’s been acting like it doesn’t matter to her whether she knows or not, but Louis' positive she’s been curious, too.

“Okay, but you can’t freak out, yeah?”

Louis elbows Zayn, who rolls her eyes. “Yes, alright fine!” Louis gripes, crossing her heart. “I will do my best, girl scouts’ honour.”

“Alright, well... you’ve probably heard of him before. He's a musician, and one of his songs was on the radio last week, which might’ve been about us, or well. He actually texted us the day it dropped and said it _definitely_ was, but you seriously can’t tell anyone because we all agreed we wanted to keep under the radar as much as possible, at least until we finish school, and-”

Zayn gently interrupts her. “Just say it, Harry.”

“It’s Niall.” Liam clears their throat. “Niall Horan.”

“What?” Louis clings to Zayn for support. “Not Niall Horan, Irish Heartthrob? Not Niall Horan, the only boy I’ve ever almost had a crush on?” she hisses in one breath. “Not _that_ Niall Horan?”

Liam covers their face, beaming like the biggest nerd in the whole entire world (which they totally are). “Oh my god.” They wipe a tear from their eyes. “That’s perfect, we have to tell him that.”

Louis shakes her head. “Please don’t!”

At the same time, Zayn says, “Please do!”

“Shit.” Louis leans back against the wall. “How did you lot meet, then?”

“Well, it’s a long story.”

Harry nods. “Yes, it is. Even by my standards.” 

Everyone chuckles at that.

~

In the end, it really isn’t such a big deal.

They meet Niall at the entrance to an amusement park, and he greets them with day passes he insisted on getting for all of them. He shakes everyone’s hand and introduces himself as if they don’t already know. Louis admits she has all his albums right off the bat, so it won’t be embarrassing if he finds out later.

She imagines he’d look the same as he does on TV if it weren’t for his faux hair disguise. It’s weird, because even though they know about him, there’s nothing about Niall in person that makes him _seem_ famous. He just strikes you as any average bloke you could run into on the street.

Louis wants to take back every time she ever poked fun at Harry and Liam for being embarrassingly romantic when they all hung out together, because they are _nothing_ compared to Harry and Liam and Niall.

The trio walk in front, arms looped together while they share a stick of cotton candy like the cheeseballs they are.

“They’re so cute,” Louis mutters, leaning over to speak in Zayn’s ear. “It’s almost sickening.”

“I know.” Zayn smiles fondly at their backs. It’s one of Louis’ favourite smiles, the one where her tongue presses up against the back of her teeth.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea.” It’s probably not Louis’ greatest idea, but it is an idea. “We should take the piss and see how long it takes for them to notice.”

Zayn snickers. “Sounds cool, I’m down.”

They stop at a ring toss and Louis makes a big show of trying to win a giant elephant stuffy for Zayn. She fails spectacularly - one ring nearly hits one of the carnies - but Zayn assures her it’s the thought that counts.

Then there’s a very exciting rollercoaster that Zayn only agrees to go on if Louis will hold her hand. 

The carnie who checks their seatbelts tries not to chuckle at Zayn’s white-knuckle grip on Louis. 

“You and your girlfriend will be just fine, Miss,” he assures them. He’s gone to check the next group of people before either of them have a chance to correct him.

“Don’t you dare let go,” Zayn warns as their car starts moving, even though Louis told her she definitely won’t fall out of her seat when they loop-de-loop.

When they stagger off the ride, Zayn catches hold of Louis’ hand again. “Hang on.” Her face is a little grey, but she’s smiling so Louis thinks it was a successful endeavor overall. “We should keep holding hands.”

Louis’ eyes widen and she takes half a step back. “You’re not gonna be sick on me, are you?”

“No, no.” Zayn beckons her in closer to whisper. “We’re still poking fun at the lovebirds, aren’t we? They haven’t noticed anything yet.”

“Oh.” It’s true, they haven’t. But there might’ve been a slight miscalculation in Louis’ plan. She hadn’t counted on how much she would enjoy having other people that weren’t Harry, Liam, and Niall assume they were together. 

And she knows Zayn wouldn’t think anything of it. If Louis caught ahold of her hand right now, Zayn would only smile at her and squeeze her fingers right back. Because friends absolutely can hold hands if they want, but Louis’ not so sure she should right now.

Sure, holding someone’s hand under false pretenses isn’t exactly the worst thing a person can do, but it still feels deceptive and wrong somehow.

“Honestly, if they didn’t notice before, I doubt they ever will.” Louis laughs nervously and tucks her hands into her pockets. 

“Oh.” Zayn’s face falls for half a second, but then she’s smiling and nodding again. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Louis feels bad about hurting her feelings, but there’s no way to safely articulate her actual reasoning. _No, no, you see it’s not because I **don’t** like you; it’s actually because I **do**! Silly, right?_

They go for snow cones next, and Louis jokingly offers to feed Zayn a spoonful of her own, but she declines. Which, obviously she can if she wants. But it’s a little bit odd because Louis knows it’s one of her favourite flavours, not to mention that an unwritten rule amongst college students is you never refuse an offer of free food.

They end up touring the whole park, but Niall also wanted to see the big greenhouse across the road from the fair before it got dark, and they’re all quite happy to oblige.

The novelty of hanging out with one of her favourite musicians didn’t last long, and the day isn’t half over before Louis is treating Niall like any of her other friends. She doesn’t know if that’s normal for him, but she ultimately decides anything to keep the fame from going to his head has got to be good for him.

“You’re so tiny!” she crows, wrapping her arms around his belly and squeezing. “I just wanna put you in my pocket and carry you around with me forever.”

“We’re pretty much the same size, Lou,” Niall chuckles. Louis ignores him.

“So tiny!” Louis coos and lifts him up into the air.

“Spin!” Niall commands, and Louis twirls about on the spot. She thinks Liam hollers something about the king of the world, but it’s hard to hear over Niall’s cackling.

She almost drops Niall in a flowerbed when she stops spinning, but luckily nobody sees them and they don’t get kicked out.

“It’s so nice to finally get to meet you, both of you.” Niall turns to include Zayn in the conversation, but she’s trailing behind them again and has her head turned away.

Louis frowns. She’s been acting kind of weird today. Maybe she ate something at the fair that didn’t agree with her? Except if that were the case, she’d have probably said something about it before now.

Then, because no one’s expecting it and it’s what she does, Louis latches onto Niall’s shoulder with her mouth.

“Oh?” Niall says. “Right then.” He sounds terribly confused, but also remarkably nonchalant about it as well, which makes for a hilarious combination and Louis has to step away to keep from laughing a raspberry into his skin.

“You’ve got yourself a genuine Tommo friendship bracelet right there,” Louis proclaims, slapping him on the shoulder.

“I see.” Niall squints, twisting around to get a better look at it. “Is this what you’re normally like, then?”

“Nah.” Liam shakes their head. “Worse.”

“Better,” Harry says. Louis smiles. They’re both right.

Zayn doesn’t say anything. She still hasn’t caught up to them, bending down to smell a pot of pansies a few feet away instead.

~

Niall invites them to a party that night. It’s not as fancy as Louis would’ve imagined rich people’s parties might be. She’s surrounded by dozens of laughing people she’s never met before, with red solo cups galore and a stray bottle here and there. There’s loud music in the background; it feels as though it’s pulsing through her skin at points. It’s nice to know that some things aren’t so different between them.

Louis wins three rounds of beer pong in a row and basks in the delighted cheers she receives until she realizes Zayn is missing. She makes her way through the house again. She’s got a hunch she knows where to find Zayn, even though they’ve never been here before.

Her hunch is correct, and she finds Zayn sitting out on the back porch.

“Hey.” She slides down the wall until their knees are brushing. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Hey.” Zayn nods in greeting. “Fancy seeing you. Got tired being the life of the party?”

Louis chuckles. “Nah, I never stop being the life of the party.” She bumps their shoulders together. “You’re always good company, though.”

“Thanks.” There’s something hollow in Zayn’s voice, and Louis tilts her head, unsure what it could be. But knowing Zayn (which Louis does), she’s unlikely to talk about something that’s bothering her if Louis asks her outright. 

She might even just be feeling tired? They did have quite the eventful day after all. And if that’s the case, there’s really no need to point it out and make Zayn feel self-conscious about it. Regardless, Louis’ always good at cheering people up.

“Niall’s certainly good fun, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, he’s cool.” There’s a small smile tugging at the corners of Zayn’s mouth for a moment, and Louis mentally fist-bumps herself. “I’m happy for them.”

“God, but did you see his face when I went for his neck? I was half expecting a bodyguard to jump out from behind a tree and tackle me.” Louis sneaks a look at Zayn again, because she was supposed to chuckle at that, but she didn’t even snort. 

Her face looks more pinched than before, and she’s not even close to smiling anymore, which means Louis’ cunning plan to cheer her up isn’t working. It’s weird, because she doesn’t understand how talking about Niall wouldn’t make anyone feel better, which had been true since even before Louis met Niall.

Zayn gets to her feet suddenly and makes her way over to the edge of the porch.

“What’s up?”

“My foot’s asleep.” 

Louis stands up too and joins her against the railing.

“Besides that,” Louis says, giving up on pretending it’s nothing. It’s obviously _something_.

Zayn’s quiet for a long moment, and Louis allows the silence to surround them. 

“Thought you did it with all your friends, is all,” Zayn finally mumbles, mostly into her drink.

“Did what?”

“The whole, like.” Zayn waves her hand around her head, as if that’ll magically offer some sort of clarity. “Biting thing... I see you do it with everyone else, so I don’t know why you haven’t with, um.” She cuts herself off and turns her attention to twisting off a sliver of wood sticking up from the railing. “Nevermind, it’s stupid.”

There’s no point in waiting to see if she’ll spell it out anymore though; Louis knows what she’s getting at. _We’re friends, so why don’t you do it with me?_

Louis looks down at her crossed arms and parses her choice of words carefully, which she doesn’t do all that often. It’s not as though Louis meant to leave her out of it on purpose. Or well, she did a little bit, but not because she doesn’t care for Zayn. Quite the opposite actually, which is the problem.

It’s just that when Louis does it with her other friends, it’s one thing; it’s quite another to show the same sort of aggressive affection to someone she might be hiding some not-so-platonic-feelings for, feelings she definitely does not want to let that person know about.

Sure, she’s caught herself eyeing Zayn’s neck a few times, but she always worried it might make her feelings too obvious somehow. Of course, Louis is an idiot and managed to hurt Zayn’s feelings instead. Shit.

“Right, yeah, that. Sorry Z, I kinda thought you’d take a swing at me if I did.”

“Oh, as if!” Zayn snorts and aims a kick at Louis’ shin. Louis hops back to avoid it and collides with the railing instead.

“Ouch! You see what I mean?”

Zayn sticks out her tongue. “Yeah, yeah.” She’s got a bit of twinkle in her eyes now, which Louis hopes to mean that she’s not feeling upset about it anymore. She’s not sure what she’d do if she made Zayn cry. 

Zayn’s looking at Louis a bit expectantly now though, and oh, is she expecting Louis to go for it right now?

“Anyway.” Louis waves her hand airily. “It’s not something I just do willy nilly, it’s got to be a surprise, you see. I’ve got to wait for just the right moment.”

Zayn nods. “Right, yeah. That makes sense.” It totally doesn’t, but Louis’ happy to accept Zayn’s indulgence anyways. She was actually under the impression Zayn thought the whole thing was stupid; Louis caught her rolling her eyes afterwards several times.

Louis hums a nameless tune and eyes Zayn’s profile. The moonlight is highlighting her face in a way that Louis would love to capture if she were even remotely artistically inclined. Her undercut is starting to grow out now, too. Zayn’s been complaining about how itchy it is, which Louis has learned to mean she’d like someone to play with her hair.

Oh, who is she kidding, Louis can’t wait. She licks her lips and takes in a big breath before she loses her nerve.

“Hey!” She points at something over Zayn’s shoulder. “Is that a shooting star?”

Zayn spins around immediately, which is quite endearing, but Louis’ not about to dwell on it. Taking advantage of the distraction, she darts forward and latches onto Zayn’s neck.

Zayn gasps, and her shoulders tighten up beneath Louis’ hands. She goes so still, it’s almost unnerving, because it’s not what people usually do in this situation. Liam would be sighing good-naturedly and trying to catch a hold of Louis’ hands to shrug her off. And Harry would be giggling at the attention by now, but Zayn’s gone completely quiet.

Louis holds on just long enough to make sure she’s left a decent mark before she’s pulling away, shuffling back until they’ve got a few inches safely between them again. If she looks flushed right now, she can always blame the liquor.

“There!” Louis proclaims, possibly a little louder than she needs to be, but she’s had a couple drinks, so it’s _fine_. “You’re part of the club now. Feeling better?”

Zayn hums and looks jokingly thoughtful for a moment. “Yeah, cheers, Lou.”

“Don’t mention it.” Louis runs a hand through her hair and tries not to stare at the shape of her own lips, smeared in raspberry red lipstick over Zayn’s throat. God, she could use another drink.

~

They’d spent the night at Liam and Harry’s before, earlier on in the semester when they were still cautiously getting a feel for one another. They stayed up half the night talking about nothing and everything, and the whole lot of them ended up crashing on the floor together over a couple of mattresses. Harry snored something awful, Louis had to extract her face from Liam’s armpit in the middle of the night, and Zayn snuggled like a kraken, unconsciously latching onto everyone around her. It was lovely.

It’s not exactly become a tradition since then, sharing a bed, more of an easy habit they fall into sometimes. The heating system in their building isn’t the greatest, and Louis still gets bouts of homesickness occasionally. They all do, of course, but out of all of them, she moved the farthest from home. Feeling the warmth of someone else nearby doesn’t chase away the loneliness entirely, but it certainly eases the ache in her chest.

Zayn’s the one who instigated it tonight, fingers lingering around Louis’ wrist even after they stumbled through the doorway together early in the A.M. Zayn’s room is the closest, and they tumble into her bed in a sprawling pile of limbs.

Zayn shuffles herself around until she’s facing Louis. Louis’ grateful for the darkness. Even if she didn’t care for Zayn the way she does, there’s something flustering about having someone’s undivided attention on her when she hasn’t done anything to warrant it.

It hurts a little bit when Zayn looks at her a certain way or calls her babe, because Louis knows she doesn’t mean it the way Louis wishes she would. But most of the time she’s fine to ignore it. She’s grateful to know Zayn in any capacity, and she wouldn’t risk their friendship for anything.

And it’s not as though Louis would rather things were different, that they’d never have met Zayn at all. Even during the first few weeks when Zayn barely spoke to her, she still wasn’t the worst roommate Louis could’ve had, and Louis would know. 

One of her last roommates was a walking dudebro stereotype named Chad. She only took the flat as a last resort until she found someplace better, and the month she spent there was pure hell. 

Now, Louis doesn’t consider herself the ideal roommate by any means. She’s well aware that she’s got bad habits - of leaving messes wherever she goes, turning food into charcoal, and other things besides - but at least she’s got her charming personality to make up for it the rest of the time. Chad didn’t really have much in the way of personality, unless spouting a near-constant stream of offensive jokes qualified as a personality. Louis wouldn’t be surprised if there was a reddit thread out there on the internet dedicated to Chad’s constant oppression every time Louis asked him to do his own dishes.

Yeah, Louis wouldn’t trade a million tiny heart fissures with Zayn for one more day with Chad.

Zayn reaches over to poke Louis’ cheek, gently interrupting her thoughts. “Hey, we’re not matching.”

“We’re not?” 

Zayn shakes her head. “No, we’re not. I think we should be matching.”

Louis has no idea what Zayn is talking about, but she’s still touching Louis’ face, and far be it from her to get in the way of Zayn’s artistic sensibilities.

“Well, that’s no good,” she mutters, giving into the pressure of struggling to keep her eyes open. “You should make us matching then.”

Zayn’s fingers slide away from her face, but Louis doesn’t have a moment to dwell on the disappointment, because the mattress is creaking and suddenly she can feel Zayn’s face hovering right next to hers, her hair trailing down in feather-light strands against Louis’ jaw and then-

Oh!

Louis’ eyes fly open at the touch of Zayn’s lips against her throat. Her own mouth opens, but all the thoughts in her head have vanished, everything she could possibly say dead and gone, and she doesn’t make a sound.

Zayn’s love bites feel more intimate than Louis’ do. Louis has perfected the technique of latching on just hard enough to leave a bit of red behind, but not enough to hurt more than a little sting. There’s an urgency to hers, too, that comes with the knowledge she’ll be shoved off soon enough. 

The only exception is the one she gave to Zayn earlier that night, the one Zayn had all but requested Louis give her. There had been a moment where she was almost terrified that Zayn would never push her away if she hadn’t finally forced herself to let go. 

Zayn’s lips are moving as though she has all the time in the word, as though Louis’ neck is a blank canvas that Zayn’s devoted to turning into a masterpiece. It’s astonishingly gentle for something that’ll be a bruise in the morning. 

Her fingers are threading through the hair at the base of Louis’ head, not that Louis needs any steadying. She doubts she could move even if the room was on fire. She might actually forget to breathe at one point.

“There,” Zayn says when she finally pulls away, and oh god, was that a lick? She settles down on her side of the bed and offers Louis a sleepy smile. “We’re matching now.”

“Thank god,” Louis chokes out, the words catching in her throat like moths in a spiderweb.

Zayn dozes off moments later, but Louis lays wide awake for a long time before sleep finally takes hold.

~

“Hey.” Louis slumps into the seat next to Liam and peeks at today’s bracelet. Still lavender.

“Hey.” Liam turns and opens their arms for a hug. Louis accepts, but she hopes it’s not because she looks particularly bedraggled today. “You have fun yesterday?”

“Yeah, it was sick.” Louis yawns. “Couldn’t sleep a wink though.”

“That’s okay, we’re only watching a video today.”

“Mmf.” Louis rubs her eyes. “That’ll definitely put me to sleep.”

Liam giggles. “I’ll wake you if anything important happens.”

“Thanks, Leemo.” She notices then that they're fiddling with a stack of papers. “Hey, what’s that?”

“Oh, um. I got my essay back, you know my extra credit one?”

“Yeah, I remember. How’d you do?”

Liam stops fidgeting with the paper and grins. “I got a B, but the prof said if I read through the comments and hand it in again with a few changes, she’ll bump it up to an A.”

“Aw, that’s wicked! Way to go, you!” Louis claps Liam on the back. “Listen, I’m no expert, but I’d be happy to give it a look over for you later, if you’d like?”

“Really? That’d be wonderful, Louis, thank you so much!” Liam reaches over for another hug and nearly knocks Louis out of her seat. 

“Anytime, Liam,” Louis chuckles, and sends a glare over Liam’s shoulder at one of the kids in the front row giving them the stink eye. _Oh, get a life. Class hasn’t even started yet_.

“That’s a really cool scarf, by the way. I don’t think I’ve seen you wear it before.”

“Oh yeah, felt a bit nippy today.” Louis reaches up to adjust the green and black stripes. She knows it’s not possible, but it feels like the mark on her neck must be glowing through the fabric like a brand.

She’s sort of been avoiding Zayn today. Or, well. Not avoiding exactly, since Zayn has a double block of history today and will probably be working late in the library for several hours afterwards. No, it’s more that Louis hasn’t gone out of her way to find her. 

She’s not sure why, but she has the feeling Zayn might be a little hurt if she sees Louis wearing a scarf after last night. It’s not that Louis’ embarrassed about it exactly, more that she feels like it’s something private, something she wants to keep just between the two of them. Which is probably just wishful thinking, but still. 

If it weren’t a bit of goofing around between friends, Louis wouldn’t hesitate to show it off, and stare down anyone she caught looking.

But that’s what it is, and Louis needs to remember that, no matter how much she wishes it meant something else. 

It just feels like it’s been harder than usual lately.

~

Harry knows.

Louis hasn’t the foggiest _how_ she knows, because she definitely hasn’t spoken a word about her crush to anyone aloud. But she catches Harry giving her several Meaningful Glances when she comes to pick Zayn up for a party the next weekend.

“I texted her two hours ago. How is she still getting ready?”

“I dunno,” Louis shrugs, and tucks into her lukewarm Chinese takeout. “You should ask her.”

Zayn, as if sensing that she’s the object of discussion, pops her head around the corner, curling iron in hand. “Hey, sorry, Haz. I had a nap and forgot to set an alarm, but I’ll be just a few more minutes if you wanna come in?”

“Yeah, alright.” Harry kicks off her boots and settles into the seat across from Louis. “You sure you don’t wanna come? I know Niall wanted to do shots.” She’s got her puppy eyes on, and Louis swears she must’ve been taking lessons from Liam, because they’ve gotten downright deadly lately. 

But she can’t go and risk doing something stupid with Zayn, not again. It seems like no matter what she does, she just makes it worse. For everyone, not just herself. 

She still feels bad about upsetting Zayn at the party before, but she can’t actually apologize without revealing how she feels. So she’s decided that letting her have a fun night out without Louis around to ruin it is the closest she can get to making it up for her.

“It sounds cool, but I’ll have to take a raincheck. I woke up with a tickle in my throat, and I just know it’s gonna turn into a full-fledged cold if I go out.” She pauses to eat another pork ball. It’s not actually a lie, except there’s no illness on this earth that could keep Louis from going to a party. She just hopes Harry doesn’t think to point this out. “You let me know if you need a ride home though, yeah?” 

“Thanks,” Harry says, clearly trying very hard not to pay attention to what Louis’ eating. “But me and Li are probably going to head back to Niall’s hotel later.”

“Sounds cheeky.”

Harry wiggles her eyebrows. “It may very well be.” 

Louis snorts. “Yeah well, if something else comes up, you can always give me a call.” She continues shovelling chow mein into her mouth, because Harry is _very_ unlikely to start a conversation about Louis’ feelings if her mouth is full.

It seems to work, and Harry amuses herself by playing footsie with Louis under the table in silence for a few moments. 

Except, then Louis runs out of food and Harry’s got that Look on her face again, the look that promises Louis is not going to like what Harry’s about to say, but she’s going to hear it anyways.

“So…” Harry starts off, eyes trailing back to Louis’ again. “There’s something I’ve been wondering about, and I think you know what it is.”

“Do I?” Louis knows she can’t play dumb forever, but she can certainly try.

“Yes.” Harry’s stopped poking Louis’ toes underneath the table, which means she’s even more serious that Louis thought.

“Alright, I’m ready!” Zayn jogs into the room then, and Louis has never been more thankful for an interruption. Harry narrows her eyes at Louis. The conversation clearly isn’t over, but at least Harry’s decent enough that she won’t blab about it in front of Zayn.

“You’re not wearing that to the party, are you?” Zayn leans down to tug at Louis’ rattiest t-shirt and Louis catches a whiff of her favourite perfume.

“I’m not going.”

“You’re not?” Zayn’s face falls, which is ridiculous because Louis’ doing this for her.

Louis shakes her head. “Nah, I’m feeling kinda gross. I think a bug’s got me.”

“You didn’t say anything,” Zayn mutters, brushing the hair off Louis’ forehead. She frowns. “Maybe I should stay and look after-”

“No!” Louis clears her throat and tries again, softer. “It’s fine, don’t be silly. You go on without me, I’m sure you’ll have a great time.” 

Zayn still doesn’t look convinced, and Louis doesn’t know what else to say. She wasn’t expecting Zayn to fight her on this. She was supposed to be relieved.

Luckily, Harry intervenes and tugs at Zayn’s arm. “C’mon, Z. If we’re too late, we can’t claim it’s fashionable.”

Zayn snorts at that. Louis smiles weakly and hopes she hasn’t ruined her night again.

~

Louis surfs the internet for a while before she crawls into bed for an early night’s sleep. It’s been raining all afternoon with no signs of slowing down, and she slowly drifts off to the sounds of distant thunder and the pattering of raindrops on the roof above her.

She’s rudely awakened at 3am by a knee in her stomach.

“Sorry, sorry!” Zayn whispers, even though there’s no point since Louis’ obviously awake. “I didn’t realize you were there.”

“In my own bed?”

“Is it?” Zayn blinks slowly and looks around the room. “Oh. Right. I’m sorry, Lou. Um.” She’s still hovering, like she’s not sure what to do, and she’s waiting for Louis to direct her.

And it would fine if Zayn wants to stay here, except she’s even more clingy when she’s tipsy than she is when she’s not, and Louis can’t handle Zayn’s affection right now, not when she wants so badly for it to mean something else.

But it doesn’t, and Louis _knows_ that. Her crush has done particularly well living up to its name lately. She just needs some time to get a handle on it again.

Still, she can’t tell Zayn to leave outright, not when she’s been trying so hard not to hurt her feelings again.

Louis sighs and kicks away the covers. “C’mon. I’m awake now, so I might as well make us hot cocoa.” Then she can tuck a sleepy and content Zayn back into her own bed without any feelings hurt.

Zayn trails after her quietly. She takes a seat up on the counter while Louis takes out the cocoa ingredients. She’s just reaching up to grab a mug from the topmost cupboard when Zayn finally speaks up again.

“Are you mad at me, Louis?”

“What?” The question takes Louis completely by surprise and she almost drops the mug. She spins around to look at Zayn, certain she must’ve heard wrong. But there’s no teasing smile or goofy wink to show she’s joking. Zayn’s just staring at her lap, knuckles bunching the fabric of her jeans. “Of course I’m not mad at you. Why would you think that?”

“I just, um. I don’t know, but it feels like we’ve been almost, like. Distant lately, or something? And I thought I was probably just being paranoid at first, but then tonight Liam asked me if we had a fight, so I knew something was off for sure.” She pauses to wipe her nose on her shirt sleeve and Louis feels like the worst person in the whole world right now. “So if I did anything to upset you, can you-- would you tell me? Please.”

“Zayn, I…” Louis’ voice breaks and she clenches her hands until she can feel the bite of fingernails digging into her palms. She has no right to be crying right now. “I’m so sorry, Zayn. You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s all my fault.”

Zayn glances up at that, confusion blanketing all the other emotions in her face.

Louis can feel the truth pressing against her insides, just waiting to burst out of her. She’s tired of pushing it back for so long, and even though she should know better by now, she opens her mouth.

“I guess it’s because I might’ve fallen in love with you.”

Zayn gasps sharply. “Oh, wow. Louis, I, uh…”

 _You don’t feel the same way._ Louis tilts her head down until her hair covers her eyes and smiles self-deprecatingly to herself. _I know_.

“I’m sorry,” she gasps out, and she can’t help the tears spilling over her cheeks now. “I’ll just, yeah.”

She turns and runs to the door as fast as she can, so she won’t have to see what Zayn’s face is doing, won’t have to watch her gaze shift into sadness or anger, or worse, betrayal.

 

Of course it’s still pouring outside, and of course Louis didn’t stop to grab anything more than her shoes. Her feet are soaked almost immediately through the thin soles of her Toms. Louis splashes over to the shelter of a nearby tree to plan her next ridiculous course of action. 

What could’ve possibly possessed her to burst out with it like that? What on earth was she thinking? Well, obviously she wasn’t, at all. She’s been trying so hard to keep her heart from breaking over Zayn, and now she’s gone and done it to herself. Classic Louis.

She considers heading over to Liam and Harry’s room, but then she remembers that they’re staying at Niall’s tonight. At least someone’s got things working out for them, the lucky duckies.

She could go to her car, but that would mean going back up to the room to grab her car keys, and she’s definitely not brave enough to face that yet. She hopes Zayn won’t be too upset, hopes that by morning she’ll have cooled down enough for Louis to slink back in and act like nothing ever happened.

But she’s got to go somewhere. The rain is coming down harder now, feels like some jackass is concentrating the whole storm on Louis right now. There’s a library on the other side of campus that’ll still be open. Louis bunches up her shoulders until they’re almost over her ears and starts making her way across the courtyard.

She doesn’t even notice the sound of footsteps among all the other splashing until someone grabs her arm.

Louis shrieks and her feet loose their feeble grip on the rotten leaves and fly out from under her. She lands on her ass, right in the middle of a puddle. If she weren’t already drenched, now she _definitely_ is. Great.

What’s even greater is the person who grabbed her arm, the one who’s standing over her apologetically with a frankly useless umbrella, is none other than Zayn.

“Oh Lou, you’re all soaked...” Her voice sounds sad, and wow, this night just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it? Zayn pities her now? As if Louis didn’t already feel pathetic enough on her own.

“Yup!” Louis pushes her dripping bangs out of her eyes. “Wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t pointed it out just now, cheers.” At least one good thing about the rain is Zayn can’t tell she’s been crying.

Zayn’s face twists sharply, and Louis quickly tries to push herself up, but falls back on her butt again. She’d really like to avoid dealing with Zayn being angry at her right now.

“You’re ridiculous!” Zayn shouts to be heard over the rain, like Louis doesn’t know that already. “What were you even thinking, running out into this?”

“I wasn’t thinking at all, obviously!” Louis spits back. “Look, I get it, you don’t feel the same way, and that’s fine. I already knew that, which is why I didn’t say anything.”

Zayn kneels down so they’re eye-level. “You didn’t give me a chance to explain myself.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to.” Louis’ eyes drop down to her knees. She’s almost pleading now, and she knows it’s pathetic, but she doesn’t think she could bear to hear Zayn say it outright, doesn’t know what it’d do to her heart, even if she’s said it to herself hundreds of times.

“I think I do, actually.” Zayn shuffles closer, her breath fogging up the space between them. “Thing is, I love you, too, Louis.”

Louis’ head shoots up so fast she almost crashes it into Zayn’s. “You what?”

Zayn holds her gaze steadily. “I said I love you, too. I don’t know if it’s the exact same way you feel about me, but I think… if I let it, maybe it could be.”

Now it’s Louis’ turn to be speechless, if only for a moment or two.

“You’re not taking the piss, are you?”

Zayn shakes her head so fast, droplets of water hit Louis in the face. “No. I swear I’d never make fun of you, not for something like this.”

Louis’ hands are shaking now, and it’s probably not just because of the rain. She reaches out slowly and grips the collar of Zayn’s jacket. Zayn slides forwards easily, until her face is only inches from Louis’ own.

In that moment, Louis doesn’t think she’s ever felt closer to her, even though they’re barely touching. Louis’ little secret always felt like it was coming between them before, like it could push them apart any second. But it’s out in the open now, and it’s such a relief not to keep it in any longer, Louis almost wants to start crying again.

“I’m no good at this,” she warns, eyes dropping down to Zayn’s mouth.

Zayn swallows visibly. “It’s okay. I don’t know what I’m doing either.”

Louis nods and takes a deep breath. “I think I’d like to kiss you right now.”

Zayn’s lips press against hers in response. Her fingers come up to cup the back of Louis’ head, bringing her closer. Louis groans and deepens the kiss. She doesn’t even notice when Zayn drops the umbrella.

It's not the first time they've kissed (within their little group, it's practically their own version of a secret handshake), but it still feels new and exciting. Louis knows it's probably not the best one either of them have ever had, but in that moment it couldn't be more perfect. She doesn't care if she's cold and drenched, because Zayn is holding her close, and she's so, so warm.

It feels like it could go on forever, but eventually Zayn’s pulling away again. Louis whines, because she wants to kiss her again, but Zayn stands up and holds out a hand.

“C’mon, we need to get you inside and out of those clothes before you freeze to death.”

Louis takes her hand and gets up shakily. “You don’t waste any time, do you, Malik?”

Zayn rolls her eyes and shoves her. Louis giggles and tries to shove her back, but Zayn catches hold of her hand instead. “You’re a menace,” she says fondly. 

Louis huffs. She can’t say anything back though, because it’s true. She squeezes Zayn’s fingers between hers instead.

That hasn’t changed anyways, Louis realizes. It’s a relief to see that some things about the way they are together aren’t about to go away in the aftermath of a love confession. They’re still friends, at the core of everything.

~

“Morning, babe.” 

Louis slowly blinks awake to the sight of Zayn’s soft smile inches from her own.

She grins back. “Say it again.”

“What, babe?”

“Yeah.” Louis lets out a happy sigh and twists the comforter between her fingers. “I’m quite partial to that one.”

Zayn chuckles. “Good to know.” She traces a finger over Louis’ shoulder, over the mark she sucked low on her neck. Louis can’t wait to pick out her lowest-cut top to wear today. They’d talked a little bit last night, before they fell asleep in Louis’ bed. They also did some other things that involved a little less talking. “How’re you feeling, Lou?”

“Mmm. I think I’m doing pretty good.” She sneezes. “A little stuffy, perhaps?” she amends.

“That’s what you get for running off in the rain,” Zayn tuts, bopping her on the nose. Louis squawks in protest but Zayn doesn’t seem too terribly bothered. “I’m gonna go fetch us brekkie...what do you want?”

“I dunno,” Louis sniffles, snuggling back down into the comforter. “I want something hot and delicious.”

Zayn leans down to press a quick kiss to Louis’ cheek. “I’ll be back soon then.” She pauses at the door to wink, then she’s gone.

Louis flops back in bed and stares at the ceiling. Wow. She sneezes again. _Damn it_. She probably has got a cold from last night. 

Harry’s going to give her so much shit for that. Yikes, they all will, come to think of it. 

Louis hadn’t even thought about the others, what they’ll say or what a shame it is that she won’t have a leg to stand on anymore when she tells them off for being insufferably sweet together.

She can’t find it in herself to be bothered though, because right now? Louis couldn’t be happier.

~

The End.

~

**Author's Note:**

> Fyi: Zayn and Harry are trans girls, Louis is a cis girl, Niall's a cis boy, and Liam is genderfluid.  
> (also - while none of the characters here are intended to represent everyone with whom they share an identity, pls lmk if there's anything gross/misrepresentative here)
> 
> Title derived from "Pretty Girl" by Hayley Kiyoko


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